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Why can’t I attract girls?
Well, I go to a university that has a reputation as a party school. I am in a fraternity. I work out daily. Looks-wise…well, I’ve been told that I belong in Hollywood. Intelligence-wise…I graduated high school top 1.5%, got a 2050 on my SAT, and have a 4.0 GPA presently. I have a good personality, but–here’s the one setback I recognize I have–I have trouble displaying it right away. (It’s not like shyness per se, although that’s a small part of it.) So, bottom line is, it’s hard for me to get a chick talking and to build enough interest that she’d actually give me enough attention to show who I really am.
Here’s what I don’t get: A less-attractive frat bro, WITHOUT SAYING A WORD to her, or making any effort at all, had a chick approach and make out with him at a nightclub last week–which takes the shyness factor out of the equation completely.
I’m kinda frustrated and clueless as to how to start to build attraction the way he, apparently non-verbally, does. Any advice?
Hmmm.
Well, I’m going to mention something, and keep an open mind here, ok? One thing that women find really unattractive, is arrogance. It’s something guys get confused on because women do respond positively, to confidence. But confidence and arrogance are not the same thing. I’m not saying you actually are a stuck up guy or anything like that… But I’m saying, it’s a good question to ask yourself and spend a little time thinking about it. Do you tend to believe you are better than others? Is it possible that maybe you come off that way? If yes, then it’s something worth changing.
On the other hand, if you completely lack confidence, that could be a negative thing for you. If you inwardly believe that you are not as good as other people, that can show in little things like your body language. In this case maybe work on being just a little more assertive – changing your mental habits (ie, don’t beat up on yourself mentally all the time), and body language (ie, making direct eye contact, having good posture, etc).
Women usually respond positively to a friendly face. Making eye contact, smile sincerely, stuff like that. If you tend to avoid social contact, you may put off those “vibes” without saying a word. Maybe your friend who is less attractive physically, has a personality that compensates for it, and his personality and mood, etc, just showed on his face. Your attitude is a huge factor in attraction. Do you seem open to others? Or are you closed off in your body language and mood? Generally people seem more attractive when they have a positive attitude, make eye contact, show they are interested by leaning forward a little when someone is talking, etc.
You can get a girl talking by asking questions about her life. Where is she from, what’s her major, why did she choose it, what classes is she taking, how was her weekend, etc. The list goes on and on. But ask questions, pay attention when she speaks, nod and smile when appropriate in response to what she’s saying, etc. Engage yourself in the conversation with her. That’s what makes a good conversationalist – someone who can balance listening and speaking, and someone who is engaged in the conversation. If you are looking down, answering with one-word answers, glancing over her shoulder to see who else is in the room, etc, then she won’t stay interested for long.
Anyway… sounds like you just need to further develop your social skills. I’d say work on body language, and conversational skills. Just get out there and practice! Walk up to a girl and compliment her dress, or her shoes, or her purse, or whatever. Get conversations going and just try different things until you find what works.
Ok… that was a long list of ideas. I hope at least some of it helps you! Good luck!
Ying Yang Twins w/ DJ Adrian Buendia of Nexus Productions Inc. Fraternity Party Gig Log
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